Jack Helm: a lawless lawman

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Jack Helm was a racist S.O.B.

Who wore the grey and favored slavery.

He even did wrong

Over a Yankee song

That a black man whistled with bravery.

 

And when there was no Civil War,

You could find him with a star that he bore

In the great state of Texas

Where he hated the Mex’s,

And everyone else that’s for sure.

 

Helm got caught-up in the Sutton-Taylor feud;

The type of duty that befit his evil mood.

A prime instigator,

He was head regulator,

And the days he didn’t kill he’d sulk and brood.

 

His body count raised his reputation.

The Governor even gave him a new station.

But when deeds come to light

Causing citizen’s fright,

He’s sent back to DeWitt for the duration.

 

John Wesley Hardin was one of Helm’s foes:

A kin to the Taylor’s, or so the story goes.

Several times they met,

Their back-ups vented and wet,

Yet Hardin and Helm escaped the death throes.

 

But in eighteen-seventy-three, in the month of July,

The two evil rivals would have one more try.

Helm came from the rear,

Hardin turned with a sneer,

To blast Helm with buckshot: his day to die.

 

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Killing Bill Dunn

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[Charley Pierce and Bitter Creek Newcomb killed by Dunn brothers]

Bill Dunn was a hunter of men.

Hunting bounties was a trade for him and his kin.

Calvin, George, Dal, and Bee,

brothers in a bloody family.

They spent most of their time engaged in some sin.

 

A road ranch was owned by the Brothers Dunn.

It was sometimes used by men on the run.

The men would salivate

Over teenage Rose, the bait,

till each of her brothers came with a gun.

 

When Charley Pierce and Bitter Creek Newcomb spent the night,

they were caught by surprise like a deer in the light.

As a matter of course

each stabled their horse,

then were waylaid with an ambush done right.

 

When loading the bodies for a trip to town,

Newcomb — thought dead — started coming around.

No thought of their sister,

just “a glass of water, Mister.”

But they sent him to Hell where no water is found.

 

Bill Dunn was with the posse that dropped Bill Doolin the same way.

But the townsfolk started wondering about their sense of fair play.

Bill tried to shift blame,

using Frank Canton’s name;

but his mouth charged a debt his body would have to pay.

 

Deputy Sheriff Canton faced Dunn on the streets of Pawnee.

And Dunn drew first for all witnesses to see.

But Canton was faster

to trigger his blaster,

and a head shot sent Bill Dunn to Death’s mystery.

 

 

© JW Thomas

Johnny Ringo: nothing like the legend

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We buy fiction over fact,

not just the American way, but a human trait.

Do we think all tales are benign

an’ less interesting if we tell them straight?

“Johnny Ringo”

the name befits the legend told.

Chosen instead of his real name,

he was known to his kin as John Ringgold.

So many have claimed

he was the fastest gun of them all.

But when compared ta’ facts

none of the claims ever stand tall.

It’s assumed he was born in Missouri,

since it’s known that’s where he attended school.

He could read, write, an’ do figures,

which is far more than most gunmen could do.

He even loved ta’ quote Shakespeare,

which is quite rare as outlaws go.

So ignorance was not ta’ blame

fer’ how his life sank so low.

Yet somehow he never learned honor,

he would play both sides of the law.

While wearin’ a star, he’d still rustle cattle.

Can anyone claim that’s not a flaw?

But his tin time was brief,

it obviously cramped his style.

Cuz’ outlaws are the same everywhere,

they lack what it takes ta’ go the extra mile.

They want easy pickin’s, they don’t want ta’ work,

an’ they’d rather get drunk an’ get rowdy.

Pert’ near every shot that Ringo did fire

came after his brain was quite cloudy.

Like the bloke with the joke

at the expense of a filly passin’ by,

who Ringo pistol-whipped,

then shot in the neck, an’ left him ta’ die.

We also know of his time with the Clanton’s an’ McLowery’s

durin’ the time he was in Tombstone.

Though even then when he used his guns

he rarely acted alone.

It’s believed he was one of four men who

bushwhacked Virgil Earp, an’ perhaps Morgan, his brother.

An’ why the famed Wyatt Earp

sought revenge on Ringo, fer’ one or the other.

Though history’s not clear on the actual demise

of the not-so-infamous Johnny Ringo,

cuz’ two others lay claim to what Earp professed,

bringin’ down the outlaw with no soul.

Ringo’s body was found in Turkey Creek Canyon

in eighteen-eighty an’ two.

His scalp was removed, but not by an injun’

which adds ta’ the mystery too.

One bit of truth, when Ringo still lived,

that proves he was less of a man,

was the day of his arrest with John Wesley Hardin,

when shock an’ fear kept a gun from his hand.

One gimpy ol’ Ranger, “McNelly’s Bulldog,”

John Armstrong’s the title he bore,

held back deputies as he went ahead

ta’ take down the outlaw he swore.

The prize was Hardin, but he wasn’t alone,

four others around him did sit.

Mannen Clements, Bill Taylor, Jim Mann, an’ then Ringo,

all were suppose ta’ have grit.

Yet when the proceedings commenced

Hardin jumped first, followed quickly by young Jim Mann.

But Hardin was cold-cocked, an’ Mann was shot dead,

while Ringo an’ the others just sat on their cans.

Yes, Ringo did nothin’, fearstruck it would seem,

he never made a move ta’ draw steel.

Yep, this is the true man of legend,

how strange is the American ideal.

Take away the dark nights, an’ the back-shot advantage,

then pour out the whiskey he drank.

All you’d have left is a boy with a toy,

with no whiskey nerve his quick draw’s a blank.

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© JW Thomas